Feeling Healthy

Today:  I am   healthy  .

Everybody has their own triggers.  There is something that sets you off... whether it triggers anxiety, depression, stress or just plain old being mad.  It can be anything from the way your husband leaves the toilet seat up {which I always thought was a lame complaint... until I married that guy.  Holy cow can't you just put it down???} or something more extreme, which in my case is "health problems".  Triggers aren't always negative though.  Some things can also trigger wonderful emotions of love or happiness or gratitude.  Hopefully the toilet seat being left up doesn't make you sublimely happy, but maybe the kind act that follows from your husband to say sorry does.

As I said, my trigger is health problems.  I mentioned it before... I can feel a funny feeling and instantly think I need the ER.  It's become an almost embarrassing problem.  It has also debilitated me throughout most of my days.  I've talked about it with my therapist and we came to the conclusion that it comes from my little guy's birth.  It's a valid reason.  That was a scary event for me.  Not knowing how I'd turn out in the end, how he'd turn out in the end or just even what the heck was really happening.  It's carried on with me and has set off an even bigger problem.  I'm very proactive in my health care.  I feel that there is a reason we should have an annual physical exam and dang it, I WILL have my annual exam!  I even make my kids go for well child checkups.  We don't miss one... even though their doctor keeps "reminding" me that it's not absolutely necessary for healthy kids.  But aren't physical exams the exact reason why we have healthy kids or being healthy yourself?  I look at it as a day set apart from the rest of the year that you can poke and prod and complain and walk out knowing you are a-ok.  To me, physical exams and preventative care are necessary even if they are a pain in the butt.

So today, I am healthy.  I have to keep telling myself that.  I know that I am because I have literally seen the inside of my belly AND had my blood drawn so many times that I KNOW I am healthy.  The anxiety likes to try to tell me otherwise though.  My therapist told me {and I know I've read it in scriptures} that sometimes you have to trust in faith and "not of the flesh of the arm"... or something like that.  Which basically means you just need faith in knowing that you are okay and God wants you okay.  Sometimes health problems are thrown in your face.  Sometimes cancer does pop up.  Sometimes you get a mental problem... I know that one really well lately.  But having faith in God and knowing that there is a plan for you makes it a bit better.  This is something that I work hard on.  When I feel a bit down, I try to tell myself that I'm really okay.  There's nothing to be down about.  Let's face it though... sometimes you need a pj day with a blanket and sappy sitcoms.  Right?  I know I do once in a while.  Even though my results have shown me that I am actually a healthy person, faith is what helps me to actually believe those results.  It's a funny thing... results are shown to me... faith is believed and yet I turn to it more.  I truly believe that having faith is what makes our trials bearable.  I know that a lot of people live with things much worse than I do.  I know some people are facing their own mortality because of cancer or a disease or something... I was introduced to a nice gentleman at the Temple last night who is living with a terminal brain tumor.  You wouldn't have even known he was sick because of the way he was talking.  The light in his eyes and the happiness in his face helped me to see that trials can be blessings in disguise.  Even if it isn't much, there is always a small sliver of good or something positive in everything that seems bad.

I know this "mental" problem of mine has brought about beautiful blessings in my life.  I was able to attend the Temple last night and do baptisms for some beautiful women that lived in the 1800's.  I've also put myself and my family on a healthier diet... which is the Word of Wisdom, and really besides the fact that it is an LDS thing, the Word of Wisdom is an awesome way to fuel your body.  It's really just basics that we learn growing up.  I've also found many wonderful benefits of having renewed faith.  This trial has helped me in ways that I didn't know I needed help.  Because of that I am able to feel a  bit healthier.

The other wonderful thing about this trial of mine... and having health "scares"... is that I have been introduced to the most wonderful lady in the world.  She is a CNM {Certified Nurse Midwife} and she's got my back!  I used to do medical billing for midwives and found a love for their practice.  I knew that I would never personally use a midwife, but I loved the passion that they felt for the health of their patients.  Well, now I am going to one for my own health.  She loves to look for ways to naturally help our bodies.  Supplements, vitamins, every day changes... we are on the same page.  I am very sensitive to medications.  An Ibuprofen can make me bruise and bleed like you wouldn't believe.  Turns out, so does Fish Oil but that has nothing to do with this :)  She has found a way to help restore my body AND my brain with a few simple things.  On top of that, I also walk on the treadmill everyday for 45 minutes {and yes I said walk because I don't run.  I don't think I can run.  Pretty sure I'm just a walker.  But I do read a book while I walk.  How's that for skill?} and try to do yoga at least 3 times a week.  Both of these things also help to clear my mind and make me feel more peaceful.  This super awesome wonderful lady has helped me in so many ways... I look forward to the days when I get to have a follow up with her.  Today, for example, I got to see her and we both agreed on the subject of physical exams.  See??  She gets me.  And she's been a total blessing in my life.  Really, she should have been put on my post yesterday because I now have a life long friend that I know I can trust with my health.  Trusting her AND having faith in my health has made me a stronger person.

I'm not trying to preach to everyone and say do a better job of getting in to your exams or do better with your health.  These are just simply things that I have found to help with my anxiety and even my depression.  They benefit me and I hope they can benefit someone else out there.  I'm happy to let you know the supplements I take if you ask nice :)  The point I am trying to make is that everyone has something.  There's always something to set you back or frustrate you.  There are also ways to deal with it.  I didn't think there was.  I thought this was it for me.  I'm very thankful for having the knowledge that I do now about my own body and feeling like I'm in more control of it.  I'm thankful that I have found a good first few steps toward "healing" myself.  I know anxiety will never leave.  But the more I focus on helping the struggle throughout the day, the less I'll feel like I'm living in fear.

xo, Heather