Whoa...

Today:  I am  exhausted.

I know it's been 11 days since my last post.  Can I say that my head is literally spinning around on my neck right now?  I have been sooo busy.  With this busy has come stress and sleepless nights and emotions that I have never felt so strong and blah blah blah.  Needless to say I'm pretty sure I'm fighting off a cold right now.  Here's the play by play and I'll let you know why I'm exhausted... but very truly blessed.

Last week was the FIRST week in I don't know how long that I didn't have a major anxiety episode.  Everything went great!  I absolutely loved it and felt that my life was getting back on track.  I was able to do baptisms at the Temple all by myself last Friday.  This is a major accomplishment for me.  I hate to have to do anything alone.  But I went.  Sure enough I got back to change into my clothes and there were 5 missed calls saying that my sweet little girl was puking at school.  Oops.  Lucky for me I have an awesome husband that ran to her aide and settled her on the couch until I got home.

In between catching throw up, we developed a leak in our roof.  Long story short... I was yelling at the hubs to get his butt back home and I may have been bawling.  Anxiety may have wanted to get the best of me.  However, I had a better handle on it than it had on me and I didn't let it get me down.  We fixed that problem and that was that.  Good to go.

The following 7 days were a whirlwind of I don't even know what because the greatest thing in the world was happening on Saturday and that's all I could think about it.  My parents say that the days leading up to this magical day were hard for them also.  I still didn't let Greta {the name my mom has given the anxiety so I can quit saying my anxiety :)} get me down.  I was in control of her.  Saturday my sweet 91-year-old grandmother was re-baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  Forty some years ago she was excommunicated for decisions that she had made that went against the church.  She had taken herself out of the church and washed her hands of it.  Excommunicated means that you have been through the Temple and taken out the special endowments that we do inside.  You've made covenants with Christ.  When these covenants are broken or you decide you don't want to be a part of it any longer, than excommunication comes up.  This means that you are no longer a member of the church.  It was really hard on my family.  A few months ago she decided it was time to be baptized and become a good standing member of our faith.  It was all on her and no one had an influence on her... except for a nice guy that had come into her life 7 years ago to patch some sheetrock for her.  With his wife, this sweet man held my grandmother's hand and helped her reach the point of baptism.  My dad was able to do this for her.  He was a big ball of emotions.  Everyone was.  NO one thought this would ever be a possibility for our family.  It definitely completes a link that had been broken so long ago.  She looked so beautiful that entire day.  I'm so thankful for her faith that did not waiver for soooo many years.

During this great event... I was able to play the piano for a couple of hymns to sing to and prelude/intermission music.  My sister {who was literally about to pop with baby} conducted the music... in between contractions.  I can't put much detail into this one yet either because she's waiting until she's home... but I'm happy to be an aunt for the first time :).  It's a love that I have never experienced and I enjoy this little bugger so dang much.  There will definitely be more to come.  Promise.

I wanted to embrace Cyber Monday and have a huge headwrap sale on Etsy.  Now I'm facing a stupid cold.  I know it's my body's way of saying "yo... let's slow down for a minute".  I feel that it's probably smarter to listen and not let myself get too worn out.  It's a gamble if I'll even sale anything that day anyway... and my health is more important.  This is a lesson that I've learned the hard way the past 15 months.  It's okay to say you're not invincible.  It's okay if you don't get the house cleaned today.  It's okay if you cave in and just order take out because you simply are too tired to cook.  It's okay to wear pj pants all day because it's just more comfortable.  All of this is okay.  The most important thing {to me} is that I'm healthy and that I can give my family some of the attention that they deserve from me.  I know that my kids will continue growing so fast and this time I have with them now is precious to me.  That's why it's okay to say "goodnight sewing machine" and "hello popcorn and cuddles".  Plus I can't get sick if I want to snuggle this baby :)

xo, Heather